I am home this morning. Quiet. Doing simple homely type things. It's really cold outside, but the sun is brightly shining. Crisp and snappy are words you could use to describe this delicious morning. I am home. Nothing outside my home is calling me to go do or come be. It's delicious. It's quiet. There is a fat robin outside in my backyard that I watched eat an entire leftover apple fallen from the old apple tree this autumn. My heart is glad that there are a few apples out there waiting for the birds to enjoy on this cold morning. I should have picked them up last fall. But I didn't. The chickens are huddled together out there too. The hens seemed to appreciate the warm water I brought out to them, clucking to themselves and chiding each other to come get a drink while it's still warm. On my back porch there are four boxes full of Christmas decorations and I brought the first one in and set it on my kitchen table. I opened the box and out came a jingle bell necklace, an ornament that I've had since 7th grade and a stocking. How did that stocking get there? It's a leftover stocking. It's Son #4's stocking. He lives far away from us. And my heart constricted and suddenly I found myself longing for the days when I brought out the Christmas decoration boxes and unearthed 9 stockings ready to be filled.
I am restless, here with the quiet of home. It's been exactly one year since two of my children moved out on their own leaving only three of us rattling around in this house together. There are times of quiet. And then there are times when everyone is back home and the house is bustling. I adore those times. Not so sure about the others. Quiet and busy.
I still can't say that I'm accustomed to this quiet. Only one child left at home seems lonely after raising a house full. But, I'm trying to make my peace with the quiet. Let myself even enjoy it now and then. Stopped for a minute here and there to listen to my memories of days gone by when it was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for everyone around the table for lunch, down for naps and hoping I could steal a few minutes of quiet for myself while they all slept. My life is just different now. Quieter. Full of wondering, what should I be doing right now? It's so quiet.
5 comments:
My heart weeps mommy tears for you. I know that odd constricting feeling, when we realize that our babies have grown and begin to start their own lives. I have had the same thoughts, What am I supposed to do now? I know, come have coffee with ME!!! :) Love you.
Coffee? I'll be right there! Oh, wait, I'll be right there in 2 months!
You description of how it was with all your kids at home is how I feel but with only 2 kids here :) trying to find a quiet moment to steal for myself as Im being pulled in all directions makes me realize I should enjoy the times even though they may be stressful at times our children grow so fast and even though Marley is not quite 2 and Colton is 5 months it seems like yesterday when we were just thinking about starting a family and now here we are parents. Your post brought some calmness to me I tend to stress out easily about all that needs to be done each and everyday throughout my household when really I need to remember to appreciate all the little things that are going on around me I dont want to miss those special moments with my kiddies. I hope you enjoy you holidays as your house will be full Im sure once again, Love you sis!
Thanks this really makes me think that i need to slow down and enjoy the 2 noisy little girls running around here.
So here I finally sit with a cup of coffee at my computer (Sure wishing I was sitting in Mamasita's Kitchen with you too!) You wrote my heart Lori, I remember longing for a just a moment to myself and couldn't even imagine a WHOLE day of quiet (and I only had TWO little ones to corral LOL) Somedays, my heart longs to be back to the busyness of Mommy, of constantly being needed, and yet I love seeing the honorable young men and virtuous young women our little ones have become. Hearing their testimonies of the what the Lord has worked as they now reach for Him in their lives, is worth all the quiet mornings the Lord gives us now.
Stealing your precious Grand-babies for hugs, kisses and storytime helps too!!
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