Gone, But Not Forgotten

I guess you've all noticed that I've been out from the blogging scene for a while now. Pretty much since we got back from Oklahoma from our son's wedding. Since then, I've been using my normal blogging time for something else. I used to kiss my husband as I got him out the door and then hurry up, make my breakfast, get my cup of coffee and then sit down and read the blogs and write on mine.

But, while we were on our trip for the wedding, I spent a lot of time just watching my grown children interact. I wished so much for more time with them all. And realized that my time with them was slowly going away. They had each other and really didn't need me. What I found out was, I still needed them, and wanted to be with them. I took a good hard look at myself and how I was feeling physically. I'm not in any way old. But I wasn't feeling very good. Nagging feelings of different kinds were swirling around my head. I knew I wasn't exercising or eating right, even though I knew I should. Those guilty feelings kept being swept under the rug! But you can only do that for so long.

So, I came home and sought the Lord about how I was feeling. It kept being pressed on my mind that my labor wasn't ended yet with my children. I thought a lot about my lifestyle. What I do each day and what the Lord thought of me. How much I sought Him about what to do for Him. And also things like: What I eat. Why I eat. Why I didn't exercise. And how these two different kind of thoughts correlate. If I work against the Lord, and don't take care of the body He has given me, then will I be here for Him to use in my later years for my children...or my children's children?

I truly believe the Lord has given us the many blessings we all have in our lives. We live in an era of luxury here in America. We can all go to the store and buy the food we need. I say need; not want. Maybe someone wants lobster and they can't buy that. But we don't need lobster. There's a huge difference between need and want. And I think that's what the Lord began to really show me. I want to do many things, but do I need to do them? What do I really need to do? Or eat? And there I came face to face with myself. And it brought me to my knees.

So these past three months, I've been kissing my husband goodbye and then running and putting my exercise clothes on and exercising. I've lost 25 pounds. I have 45 more to go. Yes, you read that right. I have a long way to go. I just hit a milestone. I am now considered "overweight" not "obese". And I'm celebrating by writing this post.

Now, in no way would I want any of you to believe that this 25 lbs came off easy. I can't begin to tell you the many tears I've shed and the many times I have been on my face literally before the Lord, begging for His help to just keep going. There is no absolute way I'm doing this without Him. And then that brings me to another thought, over and over again. And here it is; I'm spending so much time on exercising my body... but what about exercising myself unto Godliness? Do I want His help getting spiritually healthy enough to seek Him as much as I've sought for His help in getting physically healthy? I'm still working on this. But I do know, I am going to keep working on it. Trying. Seeking for His help. Because, ultimately I have to present myself to Him. And I want so much to be a usable vessel. Both spiritually and physically.

May God help me in this endeavor.